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Eyes glued to the screen during that Game of Thrones scene (yes, the one where Theon Greyjoy gets naked with two drop-dead queens)? Hand travel between your legs at the thought of a multi-person orgy? What’s novel or new for one person may not be for another. So the what and where between folks’ fantasies will vary. Why can group sex be so hot? Engle explains: “In most folks’ multi-partner sex fantasies, you’re the star of the show. The idea of multiple people wanting to have sex with you is part of the turn on.”
For the most part, someone’s fantasies are about consensual non-monogamy. Meaning, one partner has provided their blessing for the others extramarital play. Some fantasize about their own non-monogamy. Gender bending fantasies — in which someone explores their own gender presentation and dress, or has a partner who does S&M is about giving or receiving pain through things like spanking, whipping, humiliation, and more. That way you can eliminate the risk of unwanted, or nonconsensual, acts — even in the face of control play,” he adds. Whatever the fantasy, there should be a plan in place around what will happen in that sexual scene,” says Daniel Sayant, founder of NSFW, a club hosting sex-positive events and workshops.
Actually want group sex IRL? Good news. “Group sex is also a pretty accessible fantasy — you might not be able to have sex with your favorite celebrity, but you can probably find someone who is down for a threesome,” according to sex educator Cassandra Corrado with O.school. For example, “I’ve been thinking it might be hot to talk through a fantasy of another woman going down on you in bed. What do you think?”
Every fantasy falls into 1 of 3 categories, according to Engle. “Those we keep to ourselves, those we share with our partners to up the steaminess during sex, and those we’d want to try in real life.” Try “I love when you’re inside me, how would you feel about exploring doggy style next time we have sex?” or “I love the way you look between my legs, would you want to taste me the next time we have sex?” Sadism and masochism (S&M) and bondage, discipline, dominance, and submission (BDSM) make up the second most popular fantasy. Sexual fluidity fantasies — in which the featured acts or characters are seemingly inconsistent with how one identifies sexuallyIn long-term relationships in particular, keeping novelty alive is paramount for fighting bedroom boredom and maintaining an active sex life, says Engle. “Trying something new reignites the passion you had at the beginning of the relationship.” What to do about it According to Dr. Lehmiller, bending gender roles and orientation also allows folks to inject something new, different, and exciting into your sex life, while simultaneously subverting cultural expectations of what you’re “supposed” to be or do. Nonconsensual exhibitionism and voyeurism is illegal, because the people getting exposed to your genitals or being watched aren’t willing participants. While this may be hot to fantasize about, these shouldn’t be practiced in real life.
Threesomes, orgies, and the like also create sensory overload. Think about it: There’s simply more bits, smells, tastes, holes, poles, and sounds than in a two-some or solo session. What to do about it If you want to change your relationship structure, “start by exploring what that means to you,” says Corrado.
Sex on a beach or mountaintop. Boning in an airplane bathroom or while wearing a butt plug. Getting it on in a park. Placing a mirror in front of your bed so you can watch yourself, going to a sex club or party, or consensually role-playing Voyeur or Exhibitionist with your partner(s) may help you explore a similar sensation. Less than 0.5 percent of folks said cheating, being unfaithful, or committing adultery was arousing to them. What to do about it
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